Today i decided for the very first time to have my first blog and it feels awe-inspiring! Is that how a person is to feel?? Oh well..i don't know for sure but i bet blogging is gonna be a great way for me to express my stray thoughts and those pent up emotions welling in my heart. Tuesday, 2nd of June..I had a sleepover with three of my bestest friends..Let's see..there was the prettiest gurl in school(and i mean it!) =) , the gurl with the mixed parentage and who i bet will definitely be very very gorgoeus in future what with her brown eyes and that oh so pouty lips of hers!! haha..oh ya..not forgetting..The nerd or let's put it in nicer sounding wordss...the smartass of our class..is that nicer sounding? i doubt so...and then well...there's me!! I am sixteen this year and enjoying myself as much as i Can before those dreaded SPM comes next year! *groan..that seems like a nightmare in which i am ver much awake and it lasts not just for a night but 360 sleepless nights in fact!! gosh gosh gosh...the thought of it scares me shitless but then that's wat it's meant to do isnt it??? I dread the mounting pressure and the stress that comes from it..you know, i am totally envious of those who are the only child or the eldest maybe cos thanks to my very *lucky stars*, both my older ones are well...genuises...sigh...scoring straight A's and the exemplary students in their exemplary schools...wow..what a high target i gotta achieve..Note that i said...*their exemplary schools*..Yup yup yup...That's me..the only black sheep in the family who somehow due to unknown circumstances got into a different totally unexpected school altogether and well..dissapointed my parents once again when those PMR results came out..Gasps..shocked whispers ...thrown glances..dumb questions asking why??HOw come??...Oh come on..If i knew what was coming, don't you think i could have prevented that approaching disaster??!!! A missing A!! How *exemplary* indeed...Truthfully, that year was painful..but let's not delve into it anymore becos as my motto rings out..What Is in The Past Should Stay There!! ...Back to the present, I am in a school where yes, i have loads of awesome friends, tons of homework and leading a life where every teenger goes thorugh..Let's see...Peer pressure(tick) , Crushes(tick) , Out of the world parents with out of the world rules and expectations(tick), Backstabbing(tick) tuition classes and all that petty stuff(tick)...what more huh???? in my blog here..i am not gonna brag about " oh, how my life sucks...about my horrid school, or all that exaggerating stuff teens like posting in their blogs"..no..i am gonna talk about what i see through my eyes..the people around me and how their react to their problems ...the irony of things...finding my purpose in life in accordance to God especially now with the 40day of purpose campaign..this and that...but definitely not all about my ups and downs...because life is not about living for yourself..it's about learning how to live your life for God and fulfilling your purpose becos God created you for Him and thus, this life actually is not ours to manipulate becos the real power lies in the One up there..I am truly grateful for the blessings in my life..Tat i have such awesome parents who i know care for me but drives me up the wall ocassionally with their out of the world perceptions and backdated thinking, a little bro who keeps me company(i almost was the youngest which i at first, wished i was but then changed my mind when i realised just how much joy and laughter he brings into our lives) can't believe i am actually saying this..gosh..=.= and so much more..
P.S I am actually writing as much as i can right now especially since the mid year exams are just over(phew!) and the hard to swallow fact that even though yes, this is my first blog and that yes, i am pretty excited about it, there's no denying the fact that once, school begins, i am horribly and terribly busy!! Just glad the english comps are all over and there are no more staybacks...but then, the seniors are gonna retire soon for the prefect board and the red crescent society so that pretty much means we, form fours are gonna take over soon..*Big sigh*..
Fyi, i am 160cm in height and 47kg..gosh.,.i seriously have gained weight from all that stuffing of junk food at the sleepover yesterday night..not forgetting that delicious bread pudding wit vanilla ice cream!! Yuuummmm..wish my mum cud get the recipe but that will never happen..(hint*..the baking machine is hidden somewhere in the closet full wit cobwebs)..I wanna have a sleepover again with the gals!!! =) Oh ya, and I am also pretty secretive.but very open minded..=P Among the girls in my gang, my crushes are pretty much kept a secret and denied with a mask on my face..Why?? Becos i have a deep dark past that no one must know and which it haunts my soul deep down bringing wit it darkness, anger and hate...Oh gosh..I am back to my emo and dark self..So people, I do indeed have split personalities and different temperants but they are mild.In fact, i Think most people have them too and in fact everyone..In front of the people they wanna please especially the public face, they put on a pleasant and cheery, always helpful mask but in front of the people who really love them and accept them for who they are aKa family members, their mask unravels and the true self shows...how ironic..well, my mum once said, people are born selfish. It's up to you to decided who you wanna be and which mask you wanna put on. To me, all that really matters at the end of the day, is when at bed before you close your eyes and recount back the day, it's wether you feel that you have used up your day well becos every day only comes once in your lifetime so use it well and love the people around you!! and live it for God and no one else..Everything you do..do it for Him and do not serve the wishes and desires of Men for God is the same yesterday, today and forever...unlike mankind..(i bet many can testify to that, huh?)
Oh well...i gotta go..but only for now!! P.S ..gota have dinner with my bro before my parents get back which is two almost burnt pau cos i put them too long in the oven) =)
sincerely, signing off...
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